Coils, cords and plugs.

This has been a learning experience. Apparently, my new (to-me) car of only one year has some issues...

Your spark plugs need to be replaced.

Sure. I mean, we just put new ones in last November, but sure!

The boots that they sit in, yeah- those too are ripped.

Wait, what? They wear boots? Oh, they sit in coils that you just call "boots!" Kind of like how I call my dog "munchkin," even though his name is clearly Harry and it really annoys everyone else and only seems cute to me.

We need to replace all the boots.

All of them? I have no boots? Do I have any moccasins at least? How did this massive-scale failure happen??!?

Well, we know that we need to replace two of them. We're recommending that you replace all four.

Why, praytell?

Cause you'll need to replace them anyway eventually.

Great! Well, while we're at it, I'm gonna have all my teeth pulled (might rot) and go get a prosthetic knee thrown in for good measure (never know when the real one might blow!).

[Silence.] Just so you know, we mechanics don't recognize "satire."

Is that like not having a pituitary gland? No really, please only replace what you have to. Just as a rule of thumb with my car, in general, only replace what you have to. It's just easier that way. For you. For me. (And then I can do the rest when my Pappa comes home from vacation for only $20 in parts and an afternoon spent in his garage!) But really, it's just easier.

Alright ma'am.

Also, just so you know-- if you charge me more than 500 bones, I will pee in your 7-11 Big Gulp. Consider yourself warned.

I reject your meeting on principle!

Fantasy...

-----Original Appointment-----
From: K-blogger
Sent: Tuesday, May 14, 2007 3:44 PM
To: M
Subject: Declined: Design Direction Meeting
When: Monday, June 21, 2007 Insane, Ungodly time of 6:00 PM-8:00 PM
Where: Ugly Flourescent Boardroom

HA! I decline your invite and reject your meeting on principle!! As you digest this shocking anouncement, let me spend a minute or two dissecting my rationale for this earth-shattering decision.

Nobody likes meetings that start at 6pm. Nobody likes meetings that run till 8pm. Nobody likes people that schedule meetings that either start at 6pm or run till 8pm. The only activities that should take place between these sacred hours are relaxing, eating, being served delicious drinks by tanned men on beaches as white as ice, laughing, and possibly cuddling.

June 21st is the summer solstice. I'm going to let this one slide, as I'm sure you were raised in a Christian bubble and choose to forget the millenia of existence prior to the birth of your HRH Jesus. As such, you likely have never fully appreciated the day that was once, likely the most celebrated day of the lunar year. Even the crickets do a special dance on the solstice. (Watch them one time-- You won't be disappointed!) The very last thing any living being would want to do on this special day is sit in a box with stale air, flourescent lights, and warm diet coke.

Lastly, and please pay special attention to this point:

YOU. ARE. LAYING. ME. OFF. ON. JUNE. 8TH.

Also, can I just say that your smiley-faces always look constipated when you put a space between the eyes and the frown. Have to say though, it's always seemed somewhat fitting.

Ciao, sucker.

k


and reality...


-----Original Appointment-----
From: K-blogger
Sent: Tuesday, May 14, 2007 3:44 PM
To: M
Subject: Declined: Design Direction Meeting
When: Monday, June 21, 2007 Insane, Ungodly time of 6:00 PM-8:00 PM
Where: Ugly Flourescent Boardroom

Won't be here, sorry.

K

for people who only want their information via blogs (and you know who you are)

Below is a list of some of the songs that have loomed large in my legend. I have been working on this list for about two days, scribbling the titles on an old Target receipt in my purse. (So, a lot of thought went into this-- two whole days worth!!)

They are not obscure songs that will subtly inform you of the depth and uniqueness of my personality- they are really just some songs that I ran into, mostly through being fortunate to be around others who practice a more proactive appreciation of music than I do. And yes, I know this has nothing to do with my job search, present ennui, or looming unemployment, but so is life!

*Note: there is a particular order to the list, and it would be known as chaos. You're on your own.

• all mixed up - red house painters
• broken social scene - lovers' spit
• I wish you were here - pink floyd
• no woman no cry - bob marley and the wailers
• unison - bjork
• tiny dancer - elton john
• track #4 - sigur ros on that ( ) album
• I've made enough friends - the wrens
• joga - bjork
• the cure - plainsong
• over the hills and far away - led zeppelin
• new order - bizarre love triangle
• the road leads where it's lead - the secret machines
• annagramma - sonic youth
• infinitely gentle blows - scott hardkiss
• up on the roof - the platters
• maybe - janis joplin
• I wish I was the moon - neko case
• no need to worry - folk implosion (delux!)
• let down - radiohead

Okay, after spontaneously adding three more I'm closing the door! Post... post!