oh, the fog

So, yesterday when I finally got into the office after running these letters out to the chairman of our board out by the ol' hortense house, M immediately called me into a meeting. I walked in and the HR intern was there-- which was weird, but she's a really nice girl, so I didn't really care. M them proceeded to explain that because of the budget issues, they were going to lay me off (she stressed not for performance issues at all)... but not now... not in the coming weeks... on June 8th. Two days exactly after this big event I've been planning for the program that's on June 6th. Though she said that they wanted to give me "as much notice as possible," they also really just wanted to try to get me to stay until then. So they offered me a severance package/ aka bait: they are going to give me a week's pay if I stay until June 8th... as M put it, "then it could be a win-win!" ? It was such a bizarre mix of being more professional than I thought they'd be (I was sure they'd be striging me along until a day after the big event) and being incredibly unprofessional (when has a severance package ever been a "win-win" ... really??)

I seriously said nothing the whole meeting aside from asking more details about the severance package. It's not binding or anything-- so I could leave at anytime if I found something and then I just wouldn't get the extra week's pay, a real "win" for hoeppel. but, despite how much I want to find a new job asap and leave her to rot in her own mess over here, if I can't find anything by then-- for sure I will stay around, suck it up, and take the money- duh (and drastically lesser "win"). The urge to want to see her drown in this ship is soooo great. Almost as good a motivator for job searching as actually having confidence about your capabilities, of which I might be able to pretend after this whole ordeal.

Even weirder, she told me I could take the rest of the day off if I liked... considerate. So I got a few things done and went to a meeting that I had arranged and then left. Before I left she hopped into my office and was like, "so, how are you holding up? you doing okay?"

I was so stunned that she would even ask such a stupid question I just looked at her blankly. after bringing me onto a sinking ship and convincing me that "she was confident we'd bring in the funding!" when she knew we were already about 100K behind with no prospects, I am thrown overboard.

"I'm fine." And really happy I'm not retarded like you??

Then again this morning when she sauntered in at 9:40am, "Hieee! So, (concerned eyes) how're you holding up?"

Today, I was more resolute: I looked her square in the face with my cold, disenchanted eyes, and said like one would say an order that they had to repeat forteen times at a crowded deli at lunchtime: "I am fine."

For the benefit of us all and so that we don't need to do this sick dance every morning from now till June 8th: I am fine. I am professional. I say I will do something, I will do it. I am not like her, or this place. This, if anything, she will freakin' understand by the time I leave.
Alrighty, so I'm going to go back to doing work without worry or consequence. It's almost freeing in a way! and in parting, I will leave my horoscope for this week:

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): I drove through a cloud today. It enveloped theGolden Gate Bridge. When I left the lush green hills of Marin County, theday was sunny. When I arrived in the lush urban mesh of San Francisco,the day was sunny. But in between I crept through thick white haze. Icould barely see, and had to turn on my headlights and slow down. Butthere was no danger. I didn't erupt with anxiety. And in a few minutes Ihad moved through it. Let my experience serve as a metaphor for yourweek, Leo. It's like you've just gotten on a passageway that will take youfrom a soft lushness to a harder lushness, and on the way you'll have tonavigate almost blindly.

Thank you Mr. Bob Brezney, who almost always gives me a few of these really poignant ones when I really, badly need them.

I've been deactivated!?!

So, after finally starting a facebook page for myself (and actually getting to the point where I appreciated its convenience for putting me back in touch with my old friends and peeps) they go and erase me from their files! I went to login today, and it started creating a new account for me-- using the same login and password that I used just last night to log on with. bahhH!

Is there anything worse on a cold, SNOWY April morning than being erased? This day's shot. I want a refund.

your taskpad currently holds 1995 tasks

Let's be adults here. Let's take control of our sentimental attachments to Microsoft Outlook for once, and awaken the Sleeping Beauty otherwise known as Logic. The only way this system can be considered to be "productive" is if your definition of productivity involves trying to do the least amount of actual, god-fearing work over the most amount of time. (I know mine does!) But, your opinion on these matters is besides the point, becuase I'm here to inform you that of the many ways that your system sucks in the outside world known as REALITY.

1) On average, the hobbled hamster that is your mind is capable of completing four tasks per day. Note, updating your taskpad is counted as one of these four.

2) You have 16 tasks assigned to today and 24 assigned to tomorrow. Tomorrow is a Friday. Keep in mind that on Fridays you work from home until 11am and then cheerfully "sign off" to go pet your puppy for the remainder of the day.

3) There are 263 tasks marked "URGENT," one of which is dated 9/22/2005. I am not making this up.

4) "Call Mom, etc. in FL to wish Happy Easter" is due this Sunday.... don't forget!

So, I say to you-- Enough. Use a calendar or notepad or something else that you see all the rest of us using. Remember, this isn't performance art. A taskpad is supposed to enable you to get more done--it has a purpose, don't rob it of that. Entagle yourself from this madness now or I will hardly be able to look you in the eye tomorrow morning.

What, you haven't left yet? Oh... Yes, I can incorporate your "tweaks" into the brief that I asked you to look at in February. No, it's no problem that they're hand written. In colored pencil. See you tomorrow! Oh, yeah-- well, I'm sure we'll "touch base" sometime before you sign off. Enjoy your puppy! No, no-- Thank YoU!

Jerry Lewis vs. Poppa

This could get bad. So, apparently poppa didn't make this up all on his own. Neither did "Uncle Roy" for that matter. After 25 years of assuming this little word trickery was thunk up in the feisty grey matter of my ancestors, I discover - on Wikipedia no less - that it was actually just Jerry Flippin Lewis. Worse yet, the Boy Scouts of American use it on camping trips.

I can sense a temper tantrum* coming from beyond the grave. Oh well, we all get a look at the Wiz eventually. Not my fault!

*While I'm at it, I might as well exorcise all our dirty little secrets... Poppa looked remarkably like Saddam Hussein when they pulled him out of that hole. There, I said it.